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Husbands, Love Your Wives...
They're Your Best Friend!

Should married partners have close friends of the opposite sex outside the marriage relationship? This question needs to be answered scripturally since this is becoming more common in the church today. To answer this important question let us first define the key term. Webster defines friend as, "One who is attached to another by affection or who entertains for another sentiments of esteem and respect, which lead him to desire his company and to seek to promote his happiness and prosperity."

Secondly, we must examine God's guidelines for the marriage relationship with this definition in mind. The husband and wife relationship is a sacred union designed and established by God for the mutual benefit of both parties. That divine design is revealed by the creation events in Genesis chapter 2, where it is recorded, God created the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve, then He created them for each other. When God created Eve "and brought her unto the man," Adam said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:10-24) Jesus attributed these words to God, Himself, in Matthew 19:4, 5 and they are repeated in God's guidelines for the marriage relationship given in Ephesians 5:31. The instructions for leaving and cleaving clearly illustrate God's design includes a forsaking of all others by husband and wife to dedicate themselves solely to each other in the marriage union. The fact that God specifically mentions "father and mother" indicates this applies to familial and social relationships.

Let us examine the basis, or motive, for the leaving and cleaving. It is revealed in His simple commandment, "husbands, love your wives" (Eph. 5:25). As we read this verse, and the words that follow in Ephesians 5:22-33, God compares the relationship of husband and wife to that of Christ and His church.

In this comparison God shows the basis for both relationships is "love".

This is the "love" that motivates the leaving and cleaving commanded by God. This provides no room for either the husband or wife to have close "friends" of the opposite sex outside the marriage relationship. Even Jesus indicated He had no friends outside His relationship with His church. John 15:14 "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." Such friendships, even within the church, compromise the spousal relationship. Husband and wife are "one" and, as such, should be able to confide in and rely on each other to provide their spiritual, emotional, and physical needs God intended to be met by the opposite sex. One should never have to go outside the marriage to have these needs satisfied. If so, it indicates a problem in the marriage that needs to be addressed by the marriage partners and resolved by a return to God's instructions for their relationship.

When we apply God's guidelines for spousal relationships to Webster's definition of "friend", we can clearly see marriage partners are intended by God to be one another's best friend. Also consider the examples of friendships among Bible characters approved of God always involve friends of the same sex, i.e. David and Jonathan. Remember, Satan is out to destroy the family. Do not give the Devil a tool to use for temptation and/or a wedge to separate husband and wife, of whom God has said, "they twain shall be one flesh" Matthew 19:5.

Husbands and wives, let us love one another and follow God's guidelines for our marriage relationship so we will be able to receive all the wonderful blessings God intended to be provided in this divine institution.

Jack Stewart
Bakersfield, CA