The Christian Home

The Fish Bowl Family, Part II

Their Qualifications

Expectations are a fact of life. In any given situation or circumstance, we all have certain expectations. Sometimes these are realistic, sometimes they are not. When it comes to ministry wives (wives of elders, deacons, & preachers), there are always certain expectations that the brethren put on them. However, these expectations are often unrealistic and unreasonable.

Amazingly, the New Testament gives no qualifications for an elder’s wife or a preacher’s wife. And, there is only one verse about the wife of a deacon. Nevertheless, brethren are quick to infer and elaborate on qualifications that they believe these godly women must possess. Yet, the Bible does not hold ministry wives to any special standard. God expects no more from them than He does any of the other women in the church.

In fact, the qualifications given for the deacon’s wife are exactly the same as God requires of all women. In 1 Tim 3:11, Paul stated how the wife of a deacon must be saying, “Likewise must their wives be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.” Compare this with Paul’s exhortation for all Christian women given in Titus 2:3-5, “The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Their Obligations

One commonly perpetuated myth is that when a man becomes a minister, elder or deacon, his wife is automatically endowed with certain obligations or responsibilities connected with his office. James Needham, in his book Preachers and Preaching (A book I highly recommend to churches who really care about their preachers.), commented on this phenomena stating, “What it really boils down to is that the brethren want two employees for the price of one!”

Often, the ministry wife is expected to teach Bible class, organize potlucks, make visits, baby sit, run errands for members, and function as the unpaid secretary of her husband. Though the Bible does instruct these women to be engaged in good works (1 Tim 2:9-10), such passages apply equally to all. On top of all these, she has to field the daily barrage of questions relating to her husband’s work; to say nothing of the criticisms.

Paul stated in 1 Timothy 2:9-10 that all women who profess godliness should be adorned (i.e. known for) with good works. Just because a woman is married to a minister, elder or deacon, dos not mean that she is obligated to lead or organize such activities. Most of the time they do, however, simply because no one else will.

Their Frustrations

Some people accuse the apostle Paul of being a male chauvinist and disliking women, because he stressed that they are to be submissive and because he never married himself. I believe that Paul had so much respect for women that he was not willing to take a wife and then subject her to the frustrations of being a ministry wife. Remember, it was for good reason that Paul mentioned among the hardships that he endured the “perils among false brethren” (2 Cor 11:26). Additionally, a cursory study of Paul’s letters reveals that many of the brethren did not treat him very well. No doubt they would have treated his wife just as badly.

Ministry wives often make easy targets for criticism. Most often, those who criticize these wonderful women are themselves guilty of their own criticism. Opinionated pettiness is the kind of criticism mostly offered. Indeed, it seems that most of the critics of ministry wives tend to be those who are the least involved in the work of the church and whose attendance is sporadic at best.

At a time in the brotherhood, when most churches have no elders or deacons and more and more pulpits are being left unfilled, perhaps one of the reasons for it lies in how we treat the wives of those who do serve. If you doubt this, ask the women in your congregation if they want their husbands to serve and see what kind of answers you get.

Ted Parks
Vacaville, CA.