The Christian Home
Why So Many Marriages Fail

Many marriages fail due to the lack of recognizing that marriage has been designed and instituted by God. Listen to the words of Jesus, "Have ye not read, that He who made them from the beginning made them male and female? For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:4-6).

Many times marriages fail, because both husband and wife will turn to their family for support, instead of clinging to each other. Parents of the new couple are to step aside and realize their son or daughter has now formed their own family. In-laws can, in quite a few cases, be the cause of friction in a marriage because of interference. Does this mean parents do not have a right to be concerned? Of course, it does not. They still have love for their children and want to help them; but now they should realize that the young couple has a right to be independent and to work out their own problems.

The marriage that leaves God out of their lives is not going to be a happy union. This shows a lack of respect for the divine way. Marriages get into trouble when there is no respect for God, or each other. When we obey God’s instructions, which have been given to us, they work every time they are applied. Husbands have been given the place of being the head of the house. This is not to suggest that he is to be harsh or domineering. “Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). “A soft answer turns away wrath; but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1).

Wives, when you respect your husband, he will be able rule the home the way God has instructed him to do. Decisions must be made in every aspect of the family. When there is a difference of ideas (of what the best solution is), husbands must remember that love is not selfish—when deciding what

is best for all concerned. Selfishness can (and in most cases will) put a wedge between him and his wife. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-33), he makes it easier for his wife to be submissive. He will always support, encourage, and comfort her for her good.

Some marriages fail because there is a lack of commitment. Anything and everything has become a reason for putting the marriage away. A position of authority does not mean a person is a better person. It simply means that his function is different (i.e. he has a different role); and the Bible clearly teaches that men and women have different roles in life.

Must the husband still love his wife if she refuses to be submissive? Just because one partner refuses to obey the Lord, and violates their role, that does not mean the other one does not have to uphold their responsibilities. The husband must love his wife even if she is not submissive. God does not relieve the husband from loving his wife. In the same way wives are still to be submissive even when the husband is unloving.

A lot of wives make the mistake of putting their children above their husband; and the children become more important. It is right for mom to love her children; but setting her husband aside is a great disservice to her family. God instituted marriage first, then the children come along. It is important to invest in your relationship with your husband first, and not allow the children to define the family.

Many people enter marriage unprepared—thinking everything will be perfect. Remember: people are not perfect. There will be some problems; but with prayer and God’s help, the marriage will be a happy one.

- Irene Shephard
Fairfield, CA