When Do You Know,
When You Are Ready For Sex?

“You have the feeling in your heart... You just know.” Those are the words of a high school senior, whose comments were posted on a web site that is "by teens, for teens." Her remarks were included in an article designed to help young people like you know if you're ready to have sex. She isn't the only one with an opinion on the matter. Advice on this subject abounds. From television, magazines and the internet, to teachers, counselors and classmates, everyone seems to have something to say about it.

There is a reason for this. We are living in a sexualized culture, a society obsessed with sex. As if adolescents--especially boys--didn't think about it enough already, everywhere we turn we are confronted with sexual imagery. Popular television programs, movies and music constantly encourage us to be sexually active. The prevailing attitude of young and old alike seems to be, "Go ahead, surrender your virginity, enjoy sexual relations--as long as you're ready." But that brings us to our question, "How do you know if you're ready?"

Moral Relativism

The reason many do not know the answer to that crucial question is that we are living in an age of moral relativism. This is the idea that there is no absolute standard of right and wrong, that there are no fixed rules which apply to everyone. According to this way of thinking, morality is entirely a private matter; each person can decide for himself what is right and wrong. A book about the attitude of young women toward sex quotes Taunya, a 22-year old college student, saying, "I think morality is individual. And I think that morality is you search and delve into yourself and know what you want and what you need and what is good for you. If you do something and you don't have a problem with it, and that's what you want to do and you know that it's right for you, then how can that be immoral?" She is not alone in her thinking. In fact, if you don't agree with her--if you think there are unchangeable rules and eternal principles which everyone must follow--people will think you're--gasp!--narrow minded and intolerant.

Relative Advice

This moral relativism is why so many people--especially young people--are confused about how to live, especially when it comes

to sex. We're told we are free to do what we want and "go all the way" whenever we're ready, but we're not sure when that is. That is why we constantly find people looking for and giving advice about it. For example, a recent issue of Seventeen, the popular teen magazine aimed at young girls, asks on the cover: "Are you REALLY ready? How to know." Inside, an article, "To have (or not to have) sex: Teens tell how they decide," says, "So how do you make sure you're doing the right thing for you?... The first time is something you'll remember for the rest of your life--so make sure it's going to be special." Teen People magazine offers more words of "wisdom" from teenagers: "You have to feel comfortable and relaxed enough with your partner to enjoy the experience. That usually means being with someone you can talk to--someone you really know, trust and love."

Or how about this from another issue of Teen People: "If you feel close to your partner, and sex is on your brain a lot, raise the subject...Just make sure the right time is only when you feel comfortable and trusting enough to be responsible about taking such a big step."

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